Ask: DOUBLE STANDARD
Hey wonderful people ~ ♥
I hope everyone is well and safe! Anyway, I've been receiving quite a number of emails lately asking for advice or help on things so I thought I'd start a new section in my blog.
Here, I'll post some of the questions that you ask me (with anonymity of course) and write about my thoughts on that issue. Not every question will get a post, but for the ones that I think are useful, I'll write a post on it (:
So here's our first question from one of you lovely readers~!
Hey Melody / Melludee,
I'v been a reader of your blog for the past few months now and I absolutely love it. It always manages to make me smile when I'm down! Anyway, I wanted to ask you some advice or a question, if that's alright. I'm 17 years old now, and I've had about 2 boyfriends already. Currently dating one. But I've heard from a friend that other people have been calling me a "slut" for being with so many guys. :( I haven't slept with any of them! All we did was hang out and maybe kiss sometimes. Is it really wrong for me to have so many boyfriends :( ? None of my friends has had this many boyfriends before and I feel weird for it. I think it's unfair that people can say this about me when they congratulate guys for getting with so many girls! Sorry if this was such a random question. Thanks !!
- From K (cut short for anonymity)
* *** ******* ♥******* *** *
Hey K! Thanks for asking your question.
First of all, disregard what everyone has ever said to you. You are NOT a "slut" for having different boyfriends at different times! (I assume) And there is nothing wrong with you for having more boyfriends than your friends.
Definition of "Slut" : A woman who is sexually promiscuous or a prostitute.
And according to this definition, you are definitely not a slut either. What you're going through now is called a double standard; in where women and men are treated differently because of their gender. And in this day and society, people shouldn't say things like that but unfortunately for us, they still do.
But you and every other person reading this right now, need to understand that no one has the right to call you anything that you are not! And having "many" (if you can even call it that) boyfriends is not something that you should be ashamed of. I've been called things in the past before because I've had more than the "average number" of boyfriends for my age. (3 ex-boyfriends and my current one, Vu) It's sad that we can't always stay with the person forever, because well, things and people change.
We're still young. And it's okay to "be in love" with someone one second, and then decide that they're not the one for us the next. It's all about growing up and discovering things for ourselves. Right?
And seriously, in my own point of view.
Having different boyfriends allows you to learn a lot of things too. Sometimes they bring out different sides of you that you never knew that you had! Or allow you to mature yourself, a bit more.
And a quick note to the people who say these type of things: Don't judge someone based on rumours and gossip. You wouldn't like it if it happened to you, right? :)
And a quick note to the people who say these type of things: Don't judge someone based on rumours and gossip. You wouldn't like it if it happened to you, right? :)
♥ ♥ ♥
What do you think lovelies?
Is it really wrong to have more than the average ex boyfriend?
If you would like to ask me anything, feel free to email me at melludee[at]hotmail.com
31 Comments:
I don't think it's wrong for a girl to have more than the average number of ex partners. I do agree that society doesn't really seem to believe in equality for both genders, as a girl who's been with many guys do get referred to as such vulgar terms as slut while guys get called players, which seems to be less derogatory or if at all.
And I completely agree that life is full of discoveries and whoever you choose to date may not always be right one. It's not like we're inbuilt with a love compatibility meter. xD
Interesting post baby. <3
Lol those people calling K a slut are mean!! I am freaked that they would do that cuz im 12 and I have 2 ex boyfriends =.= and some of my other ( 12 year old) friends have more!! heheh
@Vu what is this number of "average" ex partners females have? =P
I'm shocked to hear that you, Melody, and K have been called names when there are worse* people out there. But, you know, if you don't know those name-calling people personally, you shouldn't really care. I know I've stopped caring =P
*I don't actually mean "worse", I just mean that there are 17 year old girls out there who actually do get around, hook up and all that regularly =\
I totally agree with you, Melody. K isn't a "slut" just because she has more ex-boyfriends than others and to be honest 2 aren't that many =) I know a lot of people that had tons, and really TONS, of boyfriends, but just because of that you shouldn't call people names - that's just not fair.
You should just ignore what people say about you, I know it's hard but that's the best. You know for yourself what you are and don't need other people, that don't know you, to tell what or who you are.
=)
That's harsh! Having two/three boyfriends certainly doesn't deem her a "slut"!
I reckon there's a bit of jealousy/envy involved, considering the lack of sexual activity and the blatant throwing around of a derogatory term like that (or maybe it's naivety?).
I think you did a good job with your reply, btw! Hope K feels differently about her situation now~
Melodyyyyy!!!
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer this and writing a whole blog post about ittt Q.Q !!! You're too kindddd ><"
I'll try to stand up for myself more and hopefully, those people will stop saying those things!! And thank you to all the other people who commented ><!! I'll stop caring what everyone else things and just focus on being happy!
Thank you againn!!!
I don't think having several ex bfs is a problem, i think its silly how people think they know so much about u becuase of rumours. and I totally agree with people and things change ^ ^
Sometimes.. I feel that the people who say those mean things are just jealous. Of course, if she had guys going after her as well, she would change her opinion.
Everyone can't have the same number of BFs so OBVIOUSLY someone's gonna be having more BFs than someone else.
I think haters call her slut because she's going out with the guy those haters like ._. I've known people who had way more boyfriends than she did and they're not even close to sluts, what more her right? I think in our society now, having more than average x bfs is totally acceptable.
Double standards suck.
Being seventeen and having two ex-boyfriends is nothing to be ashamed of, it's perfectly normal! I don't know a single person who stayed together with their first boyfriend/girlfriend for ever and ever. People spreading these kinds of rumours that are probably having some confidence issues they need to vent on harmless people.
People are such haters =___=; There is nothing wrong with having had more than one boyfriend! and 2 really isn't that much. I have had 2; currently dating one. Its like you said a process of growing up and finding whats right for you.
This is a great idea btw! :) I love all the random pics of you and Vu.
Melody became dr.Phill haha x :P
And I agree, no one has the right to call you anything that you are tottally not!
I think in K's case, having 2 boyfriends doesn't make you worth the name: slut.
I mean you are still young and you are kind of looking what is right and wrong. And sometimes sadly you have to break up with someone.
xxxx~
It's nice that your readers contact you not only about blog related things, but personal questions like this as well. I think this is a great idea you came up with :)
And I totally agree with what you say about there being a double standard. Even though women have made so many advancements in becoming more independent and gender roles have become more relaxed, a lot of people in society are still very conservative and traditional in their ideas of gender. It's not fair, but I just try to ignore what others have to say about my decisions in life and just do things my way :)
Thanks for following my blog Melody! >_<
Kisses, Melanie
if you get along... you get along :)
<3 mode.
http://modestylist.blogspot.com
I'm sure those who never got chased by boys would say that, childish!!
:D super childish I would say, K gets the boys n dey dun, so dey start calling names.
people are so nasty. I'm still curious why most people love to point their finger at other people's lives. Its like why do they care so much to a point that it becomes creepy. Slut/whore/bitch are words that is thrown around too lightly that it has lost all meaning. Sometime people just use it for the sake of it. Just wrong and stupid. As for ex i think it is better to have a lot so when you meet the one you will know for sure he is the special one. Lol imagine i get hate mail calling me a slut because i think it is alright to have alot of ex... :(
Double standards are the worst! And I know from experience that dating different people really does help you become a more mature person. At age 17 I think I'd only had two boyfriends, but now at age 26 I can say that I've had my fair share and that once you get older the number really doesn't matter. Dating different guys helps you make mistakes and then learn from those mistakes. It lets you experience different people and not only learn what type of person you want to be with... but what type of person you want to be when you're with someone.
A lot of my past boyfriends made me feel insecure and self conscious. Sometimes I felt as if I was being used even. I never really felt loved, and I would always give my heart away too quickly. I learned a lot from this, and now that I've been with my current boyfriend for so long I can see where I was able to learn from my past and how it has helped me to find the type of person that allows me to be myself, who makes me feel comfortable and beautiful. And I like the person that I am when I'm with him.
While I might have dated a lot of guys and slept with a few of them when I shouldn't have... I don't think of myself as a slut and I would resent anyone for calling me one. I've known girls who have done more and worse, and I don't think any less of them. We're all human.
Ah, this got long. lol. Melody, you're wonderful for answering this question and bringing it to the table. I hope that K will be able to feel better and not let these insults affect her.
みな〜頑張れ！！！
Whaaat? I don't think 2 ex-boyfriends even close to being "too many"! That's kind of silly.
K, don't worry about what those people are saying. You aren't doing anything wrong imo, there were plenty of girls when I was in high school who probably had 5+ boyfriends by the time they were 17. It's not really anybody else's business so they shouldn't care that much.
Melody, it's so sweet of you to make this post :)
Calling names is so childish. Why can't we all just get along? D:
reply/ Do you have a apple?
ngaw! you and your boyfriend are extremely adorable ! :D hehe, you're gorgeous Melody! ♥
I don't have as many bfs as girls my age should and people think this makes me weird... :p However, I don't pay attention to what people think about me. I think it's better to keep those kind of people hanging.. Why if they're interested in our lives, we must be important to them right? LOL!
Anyway, I hope K doesn't feel bad about herself. It's a matter of preference and it depends on the situation. Sometimes people are in countless relationships because the ones they have been to didn't work. This doesn't make them less or more than other people... The thing is we are all looking for the right person and I say don't stop looking until you find him! xD
BTW, I don't mean to spam but Vu and your pics are just so cute! And your dress is soooo pretty! :3
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a few ex boyfriends!! Like you said, you will learn things as your date different people! Only after dating many people, you will learn to pick the right one. Plus, only 2 ex and you're called a slut? that is just stupid and very childish! I can't believe kids these days just use words when they don't even know the meaning!!
As long as you don't hurt your self, I don't think there is harm in dating few guys/girls :)
AH YOU ARE SO DOCTOR PHIL. Hahah. I love it.
ANyways, this was an interesting post to read and it looks like it generated a lot of conversation - woohooo. I like what you say about "double standards" and the role of women; it's really messed up how girls are labeled as "sluts" for being with many people, whereas boys get a pat on the back and a "you're the man!" if he's been with many girls. It's not right.
Great post, you should definitely do more of these!
QUIRKYEXPLOSION.blogspot.com
I think that is is oke too, she is young and has the right to explore the world :)
I agree with you vision!
so sweet to help her :)
xx Paris
I think you're cute ;)
& i love reading your blogs babee <3
and yessssssssss we should talk at 4am too hahahahahah . give me your emailll if you dont mind ? :)
so pratty!!
total of 4 partners at ur current age is heaps?
Heck...i kno someone who've had over 20 partners by the time she was 15
cute~!
I didn't even know what double standards was O_O I had to ask my friend and even she didn't know. I think it's totally okay how many ex's someone has had. It's the past. So why should it matter? I hope things work out for K : /
Thanks for sharing your advice Melody!
<3 Gerry
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